Bons mots

Slips of my tongue

Spin this! I challenge you.

Being a student of PR I now see life through a different perspective. For example, if I came across something so deranged and unbelievable, I would have simply laughed and e-mailed it to all my friends, creating a viral joke that would have lasted, oh, perhaps a day and led to a few minutes of decreased work flow. Then I would have forgotten about it and moved on to the daily Dilbert or the Will Ferrell video with the cussing baby.

But now I see something like this and I think to myself, who’s the poor sap who has to do PR for this?

Introducing the Breast Massage Robot. Created by one misguided Dr. Wang Wei, who saw a greater need in the world for this than, say, a cure for cancer.

After I laughed and e-mailed it to all my friends (some things never change) I started thinking about possible media plans for the Breast Massage Robot. What would the objective be? To increase sales? Attract investors? Make all women very, very afraid?

We are currently learning about media plans in one of our classes so I’ve come up with possible key messages for the Breast Massage Robot. Feel free to contribute your own.

Key message #1: You must, you must, you must increase your bust! (Apologies to Judy Blume.)

Key message #2: I, Robot. You, keep very still.

Key message #3: Klaatu barada nikto!

Dr. Wei’s business proposal is included after the jump, for those investors interested in “corporating” with him. (Source: Gizmodo.com)

As a result of market research, we specified our targeting consumer groups which are listed below:

1.Girls who are reaching or having reached puberty, hope to improve the growth of breast.

2.Women who received surgery in the breast, desire to have a faster and better recovery.

3.Mothers, who are nursing babies, want to release the pain and to accelerate the secretion of breast milk.

4.Female who is having the period, want to release the swelling pain of breasts.

5.Women who want to lower the incidence of mastopathies.

6.Women, who are under pressure, want to relax themselves.

7.Women who want to improve the quality of their sex activities.

8.Women who want to have pretty breasts.

The Breast Massage Robot stimulates massager’s hand movements to perform comfortable massage. It is capable of automatically adjusting itself to fit various breast shapes. It also features good portability and a variety of massage programs.

We will sincerely corporate with investors to make the BMR the hottest high-tech product worldwide.

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February 27, 2008 - Posted by | Why the world is going to hell in a handbasket | , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. Figures a dude named Wang would invent this. And really? Does this particular activity need to be outsourced?? Aren’t there plenty of men willing to do this for FREE??

    Comment by Karina in T.O | February 27, 2008 | Reply

  2. The robots are taking over the world. First it’s breasts, then some guy starts looking for Sarah Connor.

    Comment by bonsmots | February 28, 2008 | Reply

  3. I think we need Apple to ‘sex’ this product up a bit – the iMasseur. They can sell anything.

    It’s still a little too industrial. 😉

    Comment by asilenti | February 29, 2008 | Reply

  4. I think we need Apple to ‘sex’ this product up a bit – the iMasseur.

    It’s still a little too industrial. 😉

    Comment by asilenti | February 29, 2008 | Reply

  5. What would be even better is if you can download music into the iMasseur. That way, the robot can massage to music. (Warning: Do not play any songs from the industrial, techno or death metal genres while using iMasseur.)

    Comment by bonsmots | February 29, 2008 | Reply

  6. Maybe it’s just my age…but first to my mind is, “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.”

    Comment by Darlene | March 4, 2008 | Reply

  7. Well this just leaves me speechless… I mean he could at least put hands on the robot and a recorded “giggity giggity”.

    Comment by Leon | March 10, 2008 | Reply

  8. I wonder what people named “Karina” would invent, based on their name alone.

    What’s really interesting is that there is a patent for this in China. According to his site (http://bubbyangel.blog.sohu.com/), the device is indicated for mastoscirrhus, which is a type of hard, fibrous tumour of the breast.

    Is he really touting the cure for (breast) cancer here, or at least a preventative measure, through massage? And where is this “universally accepted?” There is hardly anything in medical treatment of cancer that is in complete consensus by all medical specialists.

    The lawyer-in-training in me smells potential fraudulent misrepresentation.

    Comment by Omar Ha-Redeye | May 21, 2008 | Reply


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