Bons mots

Slips of my tongue

Love the One You’re With

A friend recently sent me an article called “Why I’m Alone”. It is a response by Huffington Post columnist Lea Lane to the question she is often asked in the years following the death of her husband: Why is she still alone? Why doesn’t she date much?

While I’ve never loved and lost like Ms. Lane, I can certainly relate to the question, “Why are you alone?” In my case, it’s rephrased as “Why are you single?”

“I guess I’m just lucky,” I smirk.

Like most smartass responses, mine comes across as defensive, and I make no apologies for it. I am a strong and confident woman who owns her own condo, is making inroads into a new career and has a stellar credit history.  Yet all that I achieve and accomplish tends to be overshadowed by my marital status.

“Why are you single?”

I could say that I choose to be single but that would be a lie. Take our biological disposition to mate and procreate, add centuries of social conditioning and stir in the fear of growing old alone. Is it any wonder that women get panic attacks when they’re not married by the time they’re 30?

I don’t choose to be single – I’ve just made my peace with it. If it really bothered me, I’d be more diligent in my pursuit of the opposite sex (my recent attempt at speed-dating notwithstanding, which is a separate blog post altogether). As it stands, I’m not in a particular hurry to get hitched. Marriage is not a goal of mine. I just want to find someone who I connect with, can tolerate my need for alone time and recognizes the genius of Tex Avery, Jon Stewart and Neil Gaiman. And I want to take my time finding him.

“Why are you single?”

My friend Catherine put it succinctly: “I sincerely believe that if I’m meant to meet someone, I will. I’m not going to moan about it if I don’t.” Amen, sister.

Until I meet my Mr. Right-For-Me, I’m enjoying my life. Here are my reasons why I’m okay with being single (with gratitude to Ms. Lane).

·         I’m never lonely – I have a wealth of friends who I can see more often than I could if I was in a relationship.

·         Dating provides so much interesting material for anecdotes and blog posts.

·         On weekends, I can wake up late or stay in bed all day.

·         I don’t have to answer to someone else.

·         I can take off for the weekend on the spur of the moment.

·         I have more time to spend with my family.

·         I can watch any movie I want to, even if it’s a weepy chick flick.

·         I look way younger than my years and I chalk that up to carefree living.

·         I don’t have to cook.

·         I don’t have to be disappointed and hurt when a man no longer likes me.

·         I have the bathroom all to myself.

·         I flirt to my heart’s content.

·         I love experiencing the thrill of meeting someone new and imagining what they’re like in bed. I love knowing that I can find out firsthand.

·         I don’t have to date a man I’m not crazy about because I’m “not getting any younger.”

·         No pregnancy/STD scares.

·         I don’t have to shave every day.

·         No one is hogging the bed sheets but me.

·         I can drink milk/juice straight from the carton.

·         NO IN-LAWS.

·         I have total control over the television remote.

What are your reasons?

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August 19, 2009 Posted by | About me, There is hope... | , | 3 Comments

Vanity, thy profile name is HandsomeStrongM

Over brunch with some girlfriends today, the conversation turned to online dating, as it so frequently does when you get a bunch of single girls together. We all have profiles on a certain dating site and shared our dating horror stories. It reminded me of a recent exchange I had with someone on the site. It’s so audaciously head-shaking funny that I had to share it. It also shows why I’m okay with remaining single for the rest of my life, if this is any indication of what is out there.

I later discovered that this guy sent the exact same email to three other girlfriends of mine on the same site. A lesson to men: don’t use cookie-cutter tactics when approaching women, either in person or online. We do talk to each other.

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April 25, 2009 Posted by | FAIL | , , | 3 Comments

   

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